Stupid Gay Questions
by charlie-venenum
Summary: Percy and Jason are being idiots and bothering Nico with dumb questions. Slight Jercy.


**Okay so basically I thought it would be cute and funny if Percy would ask Nico a bunch of stupid questions about being gay because he's...Percy. And he's upset about not being Nico' s type. So please review!**

 **Disclaimer: Still not Rick.**

"So when did you know?"

Nico had it. The week following his confession to Percy had been a little awkward, but Percy then took it as a sign to ask him a bunch of the dumbest questions about his preferences.

"For the last time, Percy, it's the same thing as liking a girl, but for me it's a damn guy!" Percy still looked confused (as per usual). Nico face palmed. "I'm going to my cabin now."

"Wait! What made you gay, though?" Nico shot him his infamous death glare as Percy retreated slightly, but still raised his eyebrows in question.

"Nothing _made_ me gay idiot. What made you straight?" Nico retorted.

"What made who straight?" A familiar voice asked as a Blondie walked up to them.

Nico sighed. "You're the last person I need, Grace, but since you're here, mind taking Percy away from me? He's harassing me with homosexual questions." Jason looked nervously between the two of them.

"Actually, Nico, I have some questions, too." Nico banged his head on his cabin door. _Is anyone here respectful? Maybe I should've stayed in the casino forever,_ Nico thought. "What do you wanna know? And I'm only doing this once so don't think I'm a walking encyclopedia."

Jason beamed. "Okay well, no offense, but when did you choose to be gay?"

Percy didn't help. "Yeah, like you didn't try with a girl, did you? How do you know if you've never tried anything with a girl?"

"Refer to my previous answer." Was the only thing Nico could say without snapping.

"Uh," Percy started awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I for-"

"Of course you'd forget, you dumbass! It's the same thing that made you straight!" Both boys made a perfect 'O' shape with their mouths. Nico tried to get away by stepping inside his cabin. Stupidly, Jason and Percy stepped inside with him and made themselves at home. It took all of Nico's willpower to not rip open a hole straight to the underworld.

"There's this other gay kid I know from the Tyche cabin. His name is Asher, do you know him?" Percy said.

Nico put on his best smile. There was no escape with these low-life scums. "Of course I know him! We gays have a special connection!"

Percy's eyes widened. "Really? You two should totally get together and-"

"Of course I don't know him you dolt! It's called sarcasm! Gods of Olympus you're stupid!" Nico nearly yelled. This was torture. Why did he do this in the first place?

Jason looked nervous to ask, but did so anyway. "No offense but-"

"You don't have to say no offense every time you ask me a question you moron,"

"Okay, but anyway, how come you don't look...gay? Like, you don't look feminine at all."

Once again, Nico mustered the sweetest smile he could while simultaneously not trying to kill Jason. "Oh, I'm secretly a cross-dresser but I'm too lazy to shave. But, I know! They almost kicked me out of the gay community because of that! I'm just not feminine enough to be gay!"

Jason huffed and crossed his arms, "This is exactly why I said no offense,"

"Wait, but why do some gays have that 'gay tone'? You don't have one." Percy took this time to ask another question.

Nico had an idea. Only a few more questions and he would do it. He rolled his eyes and answered, "What you people call a 'gay tone' is what we call vocabulary. It's the same thing as the feminine thing, some guys have it, some don't."

"I have another question," Jason spoke up.

"Hit me with your best shot. Wait, I take that back. Do NOT hit me with your best shot. I expect mediocre at best." Nico hurriedly replied.

"Calm down. Okay, so why do gay guys hit on me at gay clubs?"

Percy was the one to reply to this question. "Bro, one, have you even _been_ to a gay bar? Was it cool? When'd you get the time for that? Man, that must be great!"

"Not helping Percy!" Nico shouted, face red.

"Right, sorry. But still. But bro, what would you expect? It's a _gay_ club, duh. Even I knew that." _You got that right_ , Nico thought. "Any more stupid questions?" (A/N: see what I did there?)

Jason and Percy looked at each other before asking unanimously, "Who's the girl in the relationship?"

Nico had to facepalm at that one. "That's the point of being gay! What else?"

"That's it, really," Jason answered. _THANK THE GODS_ , Nico silently prayed, _time for revenge._

"So...did you guys ask me this because both of you are questioning and are in love with each other?" Nico smirked. Jason and Percy refused to meet each others eyes as they blushed tomato red.

"I—uh didn't-"

"W-we don't like each-"

"We're only bro's!"

"Um—what he said!"

Both boys quickly rushed out of the cabins as Nico yelled, "Watch out for Jercy, everyone!" _Served them right_ , Nico thought as he laid on his bed. _Now to change this atrocious decor..._


End file.
